11 Years In Love

Over the weekend, Craig and I celebrated 11 years together (also our 3rd Wedding Anniversary). When the big date comes around, you can't help but reminisce. What sets this year apart is Ethan - a living, grinning result of Our Love. These past 7 months has added a completely different flavour to our relationship, maybe because it's been such a testing time. The love dance gets far more complicated when there's a third person involved, especially one that is so dependent on both of us.

Ethan's birth deepened my appreciation of Craig. I will never forget how Craig was there for me throughout the whole of labour, how he never left my side and the look of pure, unconditional love as he held Ethan in his arms. But having a child is a little like falling in love. The initial lovey-dovey stage is all warm, fuzz & niceties. Then the hard work sets in. Little by little, our patience and resilience is worn away by broken sleep, the uncosolable cries of our infant and the general mundane-ness of raising a child.

So like many parents before us, we're clumsily wading our way through parenthood and doing our best not to trample each other in the process. And when we do, we sheepishly apologise and acknowledge what silly people we are. With a big breath, we start over and try again. And that's the important part. Forgiving not just each other but ourselves and being brave enough to start afresh.

As a Mum, I'm wired to put Ethan before everything else, including myself. Yet by the time you feed, change, put the baby to sleep, squeeze in some time to start a load of laundry (and if you're lucky, actually hang it out!), duck out to the shops for groceries, repeat feeding, changing, putting baby to sleep, and somewhere in the day, squeeze in a desperate trip to the loo, maybe even find the energy to shower while the baby's sleeping and put dinner together and.... OMG, all you want to do right now is have a hot cup of chai tea and fall into bed!!!

But... where does that leave your husband? Suddenly you discover that you've barely spoken to each other since he's come home. Sure you've talked to each other but does giving him an overview of Ethan's day actually count as nourishing conversation? Then before you know it, you're both in bed either wondering how much sleep you'll possibly get or simply too tired to care.

As the weeks and months roll by, it's easy to become resentful of small things like household chores that were forgotten or even empty cups left lying around. From my side as a Mother, I desperately crave "time-out from the baby" when Craig comes home from work but likewise, Craig desperately craves "time-out from work and people" when he opens that front door. It can be very tricky when there's a crying infant who simply won't wait and before you know it, you've said something horrible to your partner that you instantly regret! We both know it's the exhaustion talking but you can't always use that as an excuse. It's actually a dangerous justification for behaviour that can permanently erode your relationship's stability.

Upon reflection, I've made the choice to invest in my relationship, not just because Ethan needs his Dad but because I need Craig. Parenthood is a tough marathon but it can be so much tougher without a trusted friend to share in both the good and the ugly. I know there's rough terrain ahead for us. And yes, it will mean extra work to make sure our relationship is nurtured, maintained & healthy. But the way I see it, it's worth the hard work. This is not the time to put our relationship on the backburner. It's an integral component of looking after Ethan and our family will continue to thrive as long as we keep caring for each other.

So it's with a sincere heart that I write: I truly look forward to what the years ahead will bring for Craig and I. Whatever the future might be, it'll be a result of the decisions I make today and I choose to open my heart to all my family and friends; to give them the best of me.

Yours truly,
Demi.