After a year of minimal dusting, it felt so good to finally spring clean my Buddhist altar. Despite the dust blanket, the Buddhas never lost their serene smile. They've witnessed a lot over the past twelve months. In their omniscience, they must have known that a new sentient being had entered our home and was in need of his Mother's full attention. So patiently, they waited as my practice shifted to other areas of the house. My meditations took on the form of mindfulness as I changed nappies and tended to the cries of my son. Yet when it all became too much, the Buddhas were always there for me. They listened as I shed tears of joy, confusion, doubts and pain. They helped me soothe my son as I sung their mantras for him, through colic, illness and teething. For me, there is no greater way to repay the Buddhas' kindness than to give them a clean altar, in time for the new Lunar Year. Through Ethan, my husband Craig and my family and friends, the Buddhas have taught me so much.
In many ways, welcoming the New Lunar Year marks great change for my family. Ethan is very much a toddler now and spends his days wandering the house on his two newly-found feet. He (mostly) sleeps through the night and with fewer interrupted sleeps, Craig and I are not only function better but are far easier-going people! Ethan's cheekiness & boyish antics continue to brighten our faces and more often than not, fills our house with laughter.
Yet speaking with good friends who are still caring for relatively young babies (or in some cases, preparing to welcome some!), I can't help but reminisce how different life was a year ago. These amazing Mothers remind me of how difficult and testing those months can be but more importantly, how rewarding it was too. I learnt incredible lessons about myself during that first year of motherhood - unknown weaknesses, how important family & fellow mothers can be, how to let go of life before a child and how to embrace life after one. And perhaps the most invaluable lesson of all, that of my own hidden strengths. Yes it was a tough, hard year but every time Ethan grins at me, I feel its endless rewards. I've learnt to be a Mother in my own way and I trust that together, my family will keep learning & growing together.
As I finish my preparations for the New Year, I'm feeling more and more that this is a year of opportunity. It's a chance to water my Buddhist practice and top-up my tank of patience. Ethan's continuing to assert himself and as the tantrums become more frequent, it's going to require a lot of creativity and understanding. And it's always been my hope that I can share mindfulness practice with my children. This doesn't require them to be Buddhist per-say, but it might just help them to navigate the emotional turmoils of life.
That said, it's pretty clear that young children don't really have to be taught mindfulness. They're born naturals. But somewhere along the line, they pick up bad habits (probably from us parents!) and become adrift in the craziness of life. So I'm hoping as much as possible to sit more formally this year and follow in the unsteady footsteps of my mindful toddler. What a blessing to have a Zen Teacher who can smile, even though he's still wearing nappies and only has 8.5 teeth. Yet smile he does and embraces me with the most enthusiastic of hugs, especially when I collect him after a long day from my part-time job. And just like that, the hardships of the day magically melts away in the unconditional love of my son.
The message? Everything is going to be Okay. Thank you, Ethan. Let's see what 2014 teaches us.
Yours truly,
Demi.
